I spent most of the past week working on my book manuscript. I have a deadline of July 31 to submit my book proposal into a contest where I have the opportunity to win a publishing contract or one of a handful of other prizes that could help my book be more successful.
Of course, because of my predisposition to wanting to succeed at everything I do, I have my sights set on the publishing contract.
With the deadline and big goal looming over me, I found myself writing from my head. I kept telling myself, “this book has to be great, it has to capture the judges’ attention.”
The more I wrote, and then read back what I wrote, the more frustrated I became.
It’s next to impossible to following inspiration when you’re stuck in your head.
When I realized I was back in my “old” ways, and sat down late one night when I was tired (probably too tired to think!) and just wrote what I was inspired to write, the words flowed. I got up the next morning and kept writing from my heart—telling the story I want to tell, and not worrying about whether or not it’s going to win the contest. When I read back what I had written, it was SO much better. It flowed. It shared the message I want to share.
This morning as I was writing in my journal and reflecting back on the week, I realized the irony of the situation.
Here I am, writing a book about getting caught up in the constant pursuit of success, and once again I’m getting caught up! It certainly shows how seductive success can be. And it makes me wonder, could it actually be an addiction? Could we be addicted to the high we get when we succeed, so much so that we keep seeking more of it? Definitely something I plan to research more as I’m writing this book.
In the meantime, I’m going to keep on striving to write from an inspired place, and let go of my attachment to winning the contest. Because I know a better book will be born.